Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
