Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
