All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize