The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
