like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
