i always forget guys have bellybuttons
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
