my sisters under your porch take her home
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
