i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We left the knife in your bed.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
