So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
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You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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