Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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