Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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