i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He passed out mid-signature
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
