if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
