the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
