In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
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How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize