So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
