I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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