I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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