Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
