Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
