"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
