i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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