So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
