i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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