is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
