Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
