I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.