this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.