I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly