i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
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we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.