Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
