Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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