K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
