How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You can't just leave with hair like that
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.