I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I licked your asshole in confidence.