my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!