I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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