you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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