so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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