Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
