In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
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next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
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I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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