watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Houston, we have a squirter
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
