we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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