Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
