Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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