Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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