I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
