White coat. Heels.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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