how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
