I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
