I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
