Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
