Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize