he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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