perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
