dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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