I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
