I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Randomize
