"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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