He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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