You're so nebulous sometimes
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
