I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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