You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
