I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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