So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
