I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
